Consistency Over Perfection: Why I’m Writing Again

I’ve always loved the idea of writing. Even as a kid, I was drawn to books and notebooks. I collected them back then, and I still do now. I was sure I wanted to be a writer.

I’d watch movies and TV shows where people sat at their computers, typing away, and I’d think, I should do that. I could do that. I tried journaling, but as a kid, nothing ever seemed interesting enough to write about. I remember watching Harriet the Spy and wanting that life so badly—the notebook, the observations, the purpose.

High school was when I really started writing. My freshman English class had a creative writing hour once a week, and it quickly became my favorite. After that, I fell in love with English. I wanted to be an English teacher because the idea of discussing stories in a classroom excited me. I imagined majoring in English in college, but I was dating someone at the time who was taking business courses and convinced me that an English degree would be worthless.

Even though I didn’t major in English, I never stopped loving my English and creative writing classes. One of my professors in college even encouraged me to switch my major. I should have listened. Instead, I got a degree in marketing—a degree I have never actually used. If I had just gone with English, I probably would have ended up in the same place anyway. Maybe.

Since college, I’ve worked in different industries and am now pursuing a career in data and analytics. But storytelling has always been in my head. I love developing characters and plots, imagining backstories, and building intricate worlds. Every time I try to put those ideas into writing, though, I feel like I fall short. I struggle with the mechanics of grammar, proper dialogue formatting, and structuring my thoughts clearly on the page. I’ve been so far removed from writing that I feel like I need to relearn some of the basics.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve attempted to write a few short stories, but I keep running into the same issue. The story in my head is vivid, full of dialogue and imagery, but when I try to get it onto the page, I rush through it. The excitement of getting everything down overwhelms me, and I don’t take the time to shape it the way I want. I’ve used ChatGPT in the past to help with my writing, and while it’s great for organizing my thoughts, by the time I have a polished draft, I realize—it’s not me. It’s not my voice.

So now I’m trying a different approach. I’m only using ChatGPT to help with grammar and sentence structure. And yes, before you think it, I’ll just say it—this post was revised with ChatGPT. But I’ve made my own edits after its suggestions to make sure it still sounds like me. Maybe that’s frowned upon in the writing community, but until they’re reading my posts and telling me otherwise, I’m moving forward anyway. If someone wants to debate it, I’m open to the conversation. That’s really the whole point of my site—to share my ideas and encourage discussion.

I’m aiming for at least one post a week, but sometimes life gets in the way. I don’t want this to feel like a chore, but I also know that the best way to grow is through consistency. Motivation is easy to find. Consistency is hard. And when things get hard, that’s when most people quit. I’ve felt this way during my past writing attempts with ChatGPT—wondering, Why am I doing this? What’s the point? No one is going to care what I have to say. But if I don’t try, I’ll never know. I’ll always wonder.

I’ve had so many moments in life where I’ve given up on something, only to look back later and wish I had stuck with it. Each time I hit that point in the learning process where things became challenging, I second-guessed myself. I think part of that comes from being labeled a “gifted” child—smart, bright, full of potential—only to feel that potential fade as I grew older. Those teenage and young adult years really do shape a person. I never thought about it much until recently when I started reflecting on all the things I wish I had continued. 

I think the hardest part of getting out of that mindset is to stop comparing yourself to others. I know I’ve done this and still do. Like what’s the point in trying something hard? I’ve always felt like I got a late head start compared to others. I didn’t have name brand clothing growing up until sixth grade. And it was only because I was being bullied that my mom started to get us name brand shoes like nike or addidas. And then in high school when others were getting new cars to drive, I was driving cars from the 80s. Beat up and broken down, but the best my parents could do for me at the time. 

When the early days of Facebook and myspace came around it was like a whole world opening up. There were spaces where people could connect with shared interests and group together over favorite artists or where you’re going to college. Then came YouTube and the begging of what we call influencers. But then it was just people posting silly videos online but getting recognized by their online respective communities. I wanted to be one. I wanted to have the nice camera and make videos and be known. Chris Crocker from myspace and YouTube, the performer Kelly, and the videos they would post about - shoes. I think there was one about a tank top. But I couldn’t afford the nice camera, I didn’t have the support to make videos or practice my creativity - at least not the way I wanted. Any of my creative talents were being sucked out for work related things and I think that’s where I found myself. I wanted to do these things but  how, with who.

If I had stuck with French in college, I could be fluent by now. If I had kept practicing guitar, I’d actually know how to play. Lately, I’ve been committed to fitness lately and have over 350 tracked workouts, and I’m finally seeing small changes—losing weight, my face looking slightly thinner, starting to get a waistline. The key has been consistency.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, my writing might not be perfect, but at least it’s mine. And I’m hoping to keep learning and improving. I just have to stay consistent because, in the end, if I give up on this like I did on other things, I know I’ll look back and wonder what it would have been like if I had continued.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and have a fantastic day.

—Tots